why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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