You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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