whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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