You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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