its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
