laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
