I heard we made out
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
