Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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