why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
