The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level