I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge