And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid