He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
