he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.