Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(320): View more from Minnesota

Good. You are like the clit whisperer.

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(320): Good. You are like the clit whisperer. http://tfl.nu/ycvo

Replies (26) Good night (6853) Bad night (707)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I like you better when you drink

(708): View more from Illinois

I like you better when I drink too

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(630): I like you better when you drink (708): I like you better when I drink too http://tfl.nu/cvjp

Replies (15) Good night (4737) Bad night (979)
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(817): View more from Texas

Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.

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(817): Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have. http://tfl.nu/2nqb

Replies (23) Good night (770) Bad night (4706)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.

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(770): Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock. http://tfl.nu/ip50

Replies (16) Good night (4271) Bad night (874)
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(352): View more from Florida

You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.

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(352): You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant. http://tfl.nu/vzqd

Replies (8) Good night (3694) Bad night (669)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings

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(414): saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings http://tfl.nu/clzp

Replies (13) Good night (3110) Bad night (4990)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america

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(616): Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america http://tfl.nu/zong

Replies (27) Good night (6783) Bad night (1689)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time

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(724): Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time http://tfl.nu/5zkl

Replies (4) Good night (580) Bad night (1292)
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(972): View more from Texas

So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.

(281): View more from Texas

You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...

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(972): So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you. (281): You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it... http://tfl.nu/s196

Replies (4) Good night (1380) Bad night (758)
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(210): View more from Texas

Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!

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(210): Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together! http://tfl.nu/bu70

Replies (3) Good night (1332) Bad night (606)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.

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(847): I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/f1iz

Replies (5) Good night (1063) Bad night (487)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.

(402): View more from Nebraska

20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun

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(616): Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night. (402): 20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun http://tfl.nu/qbq0

Replies (2) Good night (844) Bad night (588)
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(613): View more from Ontario

Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?

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(613): Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates? http://tfl.nu/iv63

Replies (3) Good night (664) Bad night (452)
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(518): View more from New York

Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?

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(518): Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt? http://tfl.nu/4gjt

Replies (4) Good night (318) Bad night (844)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?

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(908): I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax? http://tfl.nu/w375

Replies (2) Good night (614) Bad night (381)

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