whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
