dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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