He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
