So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
