You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
