my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
