Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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