I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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