he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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