How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
