what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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