Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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