Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
