I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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