He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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