I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
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Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize