a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Every concussion has its silver lining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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