I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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