he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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