I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
