Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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