i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
