Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
