dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
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See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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