3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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