i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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