please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
