My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
