Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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