You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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