You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
