I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
