Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every concussion has its silver lining
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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