Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
