I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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