I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
