I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
