Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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