And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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