Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he was CRYING into my vagina
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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