i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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