that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize