Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
