he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
