so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
