I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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