I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What a dumb baby whore.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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